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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Autumn is by far my favorite time of the year. Seriously. You see, when you live in Central Oregon, you usually have two seasons: winter and August. Lots of snow in the wintertime, and blazing hot summers. I mean, we are called the high desert for a reason. We get very little rain. (No, no, you’re thinking of PORTLAND. Portland gets all the rain and is very weird. The rest of us in the state are fairly normal, and the Cascade Mountains block most of the rain from coming our way.)

So for about two weeks, we get to enjoy this absolutely beautiful autumn weather that’s pretty much close to perfect. The leaves change colors, the temperature drops to a livable degree, and there’s even several days of cloud cover. It’s my favorite season for all of those things, plus hot chocolate, boots and scarves, and maybe some apple cider.

Of course, the down side to the leaves changing color is that eventually they fall to the ground.

I went for a walk this morning since it was amazing outside, and also because I had been a lazy sloth for most of week. I saw all of the leaves on the ground below the tree in our front yard and was rather impressed. They’d all fallen fairly quickly. Well, a few hours passed after I returned home, and I worked away at some business stuff. (Side note: I’m working on a couple of calendar designs and couldn’t be more excited! I can’t wait to show them here.)

ANYway, by early afternoon I was ready to check the mail and see if any of my orders had come today, but when I opened my front door, I was greeted by this:

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Yeah, those weren’t there when I went for a walk earlier, so I actually stepped back in surprise because I wasn’t expecting it.

That’s right, all of those leaves that had previously been in the front yard….

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….were now all on my front porch.

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“Well, that kind of sucks,” I thought, feeling none too pleased.

Then I saw my neighbor’s porch:

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And suddenly, mine didn’t seem quite so bad.

So there you have it. White I love fall weather, I’m not so keen on the clean up side of things. But soon we will have those nasty white flakes falling from the sky, so I can’t complain. I’ll be wishing for fallen leaves when that time comes around.

And now, off for more calendar editing fun!

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So if you live in the United States, chances are pretty good that you heard about the Big Thing that happened earlier this week. That’s right. I’m talking about that fan-flipping-tastic eclipse.

Or, as we here in Central Oregon like to call it, the ApocEclipse.

Funny thing? It kind of ended up being Y2K all over again. You remember that, right? It was that moment where all the computers and electronics all over the world were going to die because the year was turning 2000 and suddenly life as we knew it was going to end. So everyone stock-piled their food, water and other rations like they would need to survive for months on end because the stores were going to be unavailable and … yeah. Nothing shut down, life went on as normal and we thought we learned our lesson. Well, this was pretty much the same thing.

We Central Oregonians were told to expect as many as 1 million people coming our way because we just so happened to be in the path of totality. So I dutifully did my shopping ahead of time, filled up my car before all the stations ran out of gas, got a couple of cases of water and felt pretty prepared. Only my little city ended up getting bypassed by most of the traffic, so we pretty much prepared for a bunch of nothing. Everyone hunkered down, expecting the worst, so stores were empty, restaurants sat open doing nothing, and the highways were clear apart from a few flurries.

We got a little traffic around the main days of the event, but nothing compared to my little hometown just a few miles away. Turns out, that’s where everyone was going, not here.

So to give a little visual of my area, my current city, Redmond, is surrounded by several other towns and one large-ish city. The town that I was raised in (and where most of my family still lives) is an easy 18 miles away. The population of that town, Prineville, is less than 10,000 people. (What, did you think I was kidding when I said it was small?) The cool thing about Prineville is that it’s just an hour or so away from some of the most beautiful forest Oregon has to offer, the Ochoco Mountains. While most of the forest is BLM property, there’s still some privately owned ranches out that direction. One of those ranches contains a HUGE grassland called Big Summit Prairie.

It’s beautiful out there. When the wildflowers are in bloom, it’s a sea of purple and yellow. Well, the owner of the ranch at Big Summit Prairie decided to make a bit of a profit from this whole eclipse thing, and got a permit that allowed him to rent out his property to an event called Symbiosis. I really don’t know much about Symbiosis other than it looks like basically a modern-day Woodstock. They planned for roughly 30,000 people to show up, and last I heard, the final numbers were closer to 50,000. What does that look like? This:

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That’s a lot of people. And unfortunately, there is literally only one way to get to the Ochocos – straight through Prineville. The good news is that most everyone coming through seemed to be pretty respectful, and it did help local businesses boost their profits a bit. It also provided for some hilarious memes:

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I could link to some of the pictures of random cars and buses that were rolling through my hometown, but there are too many to choose from. And while traffic in my neck of the woods wasn’t bad at all, Prineville was a whole different story.

As for me? Well, I suppose the photographer in me really wanted to get an epic shot of the eclipse. But I don’t have that kind of equipment yet, and quite frankly, I wanted to just enjoy the experience. So I sat in my backyard, put on my eclipse glasses and joined the cheers of my neighbors when the moment of totality was reached.

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Super cool.

And it really was amazing. I’d never gotten to experience anything like it before, so I felt privileged that I could just walk outside my house and get to see something like that. It is most certainly something that you never forget. I think one of the most important things that I’m learning is when to capture a moment and when to enjoy it. Sometimes it’s okay to put down the camera or cell phone and just be content with life. So yes, I didn’t get an epic shot of the eclipse. That’s okay. I still have memories of it, and I probably enjoyed it a lot more because I wasn’t stressed about getting it just right.

Enjoy life, friends. You only get one here on earth.

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So I’ve mentioned my brother a few times now. He’s pretty cool for the most part, except when he makes fun of me. But name me one little brother who doesn’t pick on his sister from time to time? (Besides I usually deserve it. Don’t tell him I said that.)

Today, however, I got to actually get a good laugh at him. Poor kid had to work the day after Christmas, which he really wasn’t looking forward to in the first place, but he got ready and headed to his car to take off anyway.

My family has this tradition that we always wave to each other from the window or doorway. It’s a longtime ritual that first started with my grandma and grandpa. As my grandpa went to work each morning, he wanted my grandma’s face to be the last thing that he saw as he drove off, so every time he left the house, she was there at the window waving to him. If it was dark out, he would flash his lights a couple of times to show that he saw her. His other common signal was to hold up one finger, then four fingers, then just three, which meant “I love you.”  Two generations later, my family still carries this out even to this day. Whenever we leave, we always wave to each other, and my dad often gives the sign for “I love you,” just as his dad did.

Thus I was at the window this morning, ready to wave to my brother as he went off to work. This was how I was able to witness the glorious moment when he carefully looked over his shoulder, slowly backed his car up….and ran straight into our garbage cans.

I’m pretty sure that I laughed for a solid ten minutes straight.

He looked very sheepish as he got out of the car, fixed the cans and proceeded to drive off. I was kicking myself for not having my cell phone ready and in my hand, but I still chuckled about it all day.

However, I started to feel kind of bad as the day wore on. Brother had already been kinda down about having to go to work, plus Life had given both of us a swift kick in the @$% recently. In fact, we had just been talking about how we were feeling kinda bummed before our awesome family came over for Christmas and cheered us up.

So I braved the after-Christmas crowds and did my best to make it up to him:

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What you can’t see behind my note is a couple of keychains he’d been wanting too. See, I’m a good big sister. Most of the time.

Harley Quinn makes everything better, right? I think I made the world right again. *puffs chest out*

Incidentally, if you haven’t seen Suicide Squad yet, DO IT. Disclaimer: It’s super dark (obviously) and really not a very wholesome movie. But it’s freaking awesome and probably one of my favorites of the year. Won’t be for everyone, but if you want to see a great action flick (and get some Harley Quinn eye candy) give it a go.

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How I picture my interactions with Pandora Radio Station as I listen to it at work:

Me: Hmm, I’m kind of in the mood for something classical. *searches* Ooh, Classical Relaxation. Let’s try that.

Pandora: All right! Here’s Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major.

Me: Ick, no. *thumbs down* Something else, please.

Pandora: Oh, so you didn’t like that rendition. Here, try Pachelbel’s Canon played the exact same way by a different artist.

Me: Um, thanks but no thanks. *thumbs down* I said I don’t like that song.

Pandora: Ah, I get it. It’s in the wrong key. No problem. Here’s Pachelbel’s Canon in E Major instead.

Me: …

Pandora: You like?

Me: *thumbs down* NO.

Pandora: I see the dilemma. Let’s switch it up, then. Listen to this cool rendition of a U2 song, done instrumentally.

Me: Wow, that’s actually kind of cool…wait. This is sounding awfully familiar.

Pandora: Because it’s a mashup of U2 and Pachelbel’s Canon! See what I did there?

Me: I hate you.

Pandora: I’ve also got a piano version of Pachelbel’s Canon. Want to hear it?

Me: THOR’S HAMMER, PANDORA, I DO NOT LIKE PACHELBEL’S CANON. It’s the most repetitive song in the history of repetitive songs, and given what’s popular today, that’s saying something. It plays the same chords in the same order over and over again until you’re ready to stab yourself in the eye socket with a fork. Seriously. I would rather listen to Coolio for twelve hours in a pit of poisonous vipers then ever hear this song again. STAHP.

Pandora: Oh, you like Coolio? I can make that happen.

Me: Uh, I wasn’t actually serious about that…

Pandora: Here’s I’ll C U When U Get There. Isn’t it “coolio”?

Me: Sweet mother potato it’s freaking Pachelbel’s Canon. Only with Coolio. Just kill me now.

Pandora: I knew you’d like it!

Me: I’m uninstalling you and switching to Spotify.

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Man, had some FUNKY dreams last night. I’m one of those people who dreams a lot anyway, which is actually where several of my story ideas have come from, but this was a lot even for me. Sometimes my dreams have meaning…other times not so much. Last night was more along the “not so much” lines.

It was one of those nights where you have random panicky thoughts for no reason. Like, you dream that you’re setting up a photo shoot with some friends and everything’s just fine when you suddenly remember that YOU NEVER ACTUALLY ASKED FOR THE DAY OFF WORK WHICH MEANS THAT YOU JUST NEVER SHOWED UP AND ARE PROBABLY FIRED AND OMG WHERE’S MY PHONE.

Yeah. Panic.

Then I would get distracted by something else, remember that I still hadn’t called into work and panic all over again because I still couldn’t find my stupid phone. Then I remembered that I was supposed to wear a particular t-shirt and couldn’t find it, which caused MOAR PANIC.

Mario Panic

Needless to say, it resulted in really not feeling all that rested. And I had to frantically look through my phone once I actually woke up to make sure there wasn’t some appointment or something that my brain was subconsciously telling me about. (To my knowledge, there’s not. Guess I’ll find out later if there was.)

What did we ever do without smart phones? Seriously. I lived without one for 29 years, and now I can’t fathom how on earth I managed it. Google calendar FTW.

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My random thoughts for the day:

– I can’t stop thinking about how The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug was uh-MAY-zing and I am so ready for the next movie. Yes, I know that they jerked around several facts from the books, and yes, I still think it should have just been two movies instead of three. However, given that the elves are my favorite creatures of the Tolkien realm, I’m really not *too* disappointed by their extra screen time. Smaug is made of win, and Bard is rather handsome, for being a mere human. I mean, he did have Thranduil and Legolas to compete with, so that’s saying something.

– My left eye keeps twitching, and all I can think of is the bad guy from The Pink Panther Strikes Back. I must be turning into an evil genius.

– I have mixed feelings on the year 2015. Fifteen is actually my favorite number, but truth be told, I hate writing fives. I can’t explain why, I just don’t like it. So I’m going to have a whole year of writing nothing but fives for every single date. Bleh.

– My new guitar (squee!) has a strip of maple down the back of the neck that reminds me of a racing stripe. So while I’ve been trying to come up with a really slam-banging name for him, he’s probably going to remain with the first thing that popped in my head: Lightning McStrings. (Ka-CHOW!)

– My parents’ Volvo has become the savior of the rest of us in the family by coming to the rescue when all of our cars broke down. Thus he is named Volvo Baggins, Keeper of the One Bearing. He must save the world. (He just happened to have work done before coming to the rescue, and it just happened to be a bearing that needed replaced. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.)

– I am already sick of winter and it isn’t even officially here yet. It is stinking cold here. We’re talking snot-freezing cold. I really want to go back to Hawaii. (Which is another blog post for another time – consider this a teaser.)

That about sums up my random thoughts for the moment. How about yours?

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Boy. *dusts off blog* It’s been a little while, eh? Sadly, my lungs succumbed to the steaming pile of poo that is known as bronchitis the last few weeks. It’s stupid, quite frankly. I’ve never touched a cigarette in my life, don’t have asthma, don’t have major allergies, and yet it pounced upon me like a lion on a decrepit wildebeest. I was actually sick enough that I couldn’t even write, which just about KILLED me. I had at least four days of nothing but time, and no energy or creative juices whatsoever. SUCK.

(On a slightly side note, I haven’t forgotten book two of the Prince of Light series. I have a standalone book that I’m desperately working to finish because it looks like the market is sort of swinging in that direction. I don’t want to miss out on a potential trend with an agent, so I’m finishing that book up first, then coming back to book two. Sorry to be lame…)

In other news, being sick meant I got to spend lots of time with my cats. Diddy (short for Sir Didymus) was my bodyguard for most of it, though Ludo got his fair share in as well. Diddy is a spastic dork most of the time, yet he can be quite loving when he chooses. He’s kind of like a dog in many ways. I mean, he even sleeps with the dogs:

See?

See?

People can’t seem to tell the different between Ludo and Diddy right away because they look really similar. They have slightly different colors, but until you actually see them next to each other and know them, it’s easy to get confused. Thus I’ve provided three handy ways to know how to tell the difference between Ludo and Diddy! So helpful, I know.

-Number One-

Ludo is super cute when he sleeps, usually curled up beneath a sunbeam:

Soft sunlight make for a happy kitteh.

Soft sunbeams make for a happy kitteh.

Then there’s Diddy:

Weirdo.

Weirdo.

-Number Two-

Ludo is inquisitive and sweet, even when a camera is shoved in his face.

What's that, Mom?

What’s that, Mom?

Diddy lacks a certain sophistication when it comes to his close-ups:

Classy.

Classy.

-Number Three-

Ludo is laid-back and easy-going:

How do you not love this cat?

How do you not love this cat?

Diddy is…well, Diddy:

"What?"

“What?”

*sigh* He may be a cute moron, but he’s a moron nonetheless. His cuteness has saved him on more than one occasion, particularly after he’s torn up yet ANOTHER roll of paper towels. But at least now if you ever get a chance to meet Ludo and Sir Didymus, you will be able to tell them apart. (Take notes, people, there will be a quiz.)

To make up for my complete lack of posting for the last month, I leave you with an adorable photo of a sleeping boxer/bulldog puppy.

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You’re welcome.

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