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Archive for May, 2015

How I picture my interactions with Pandora Radio Station as I listen to it at work:

Me: Hmm, I’m kind of in the mood for something classical. *searches* Ooh, Classical Relaxation. Let’s try that.

Pandora: All right! Here’s Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major.

Me: Ick, no. *thumbs down* Something else, please.

Pandora: Oh, so you didn’t like that rendition. Here, try Pachelbel’s Canon played the exact same way by a different artist.

Me: Um, thanks but no thanks. *thumbs down* I said I don’t like that song.

Pandora: Ah, I get it. It’s in the wrong key. No problem. Here’s Pachelbel’s Canon in E Major instead.

Me: …

Pandora: You like?

Me: *thumbs down* NO.

Pandora: I see the dilemma. Let’s switch it up, then. Listen to this cool rendition of a U2 song, done instrumentally.

Me: Wow, that’s actually kind of cool…wait. This is sounding awfully familiar.

Pandora: Because it’s a mashup of U2 and Pachelbel’s Canon! See what I did there?

Me: I hate you.

Pandora: I’ve also got a piano version of Pachelbel’s Canon. Want to hear it?

Me: THOR’S HAMMER, PANDORA, I DO NOT LIKE PACHELBEL’S CANON. It’s the most repetitive song in the history of repetitive songs, and given what’s popular today, that’s saying something. It plays the same chords in the same order over and over again until you’re ready to stab yourself in the eye socket with a fork. Seriously. I would rather listen to Coolio for twelve hours in a pit of poisonous vipers then ever hear this song again. STAHP.

Pandora: Oh, you like Coolio? I can make that happen.

Me: Uh, I wasn’t actually serious about that…

Pandora: Here’s I’ll C U When U Get There. Isn’t it “coolio”?

Me: Sweet mother potato it’s freaking Pachelbel’s Canon. Only with Coolio. Just kill me now.

Pandora: I knew you’d like it!

Me: I’m uninstalling you and switching to Spotify.

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